A Pretty Big Decision

We know that I'm not usually one to share my feelings about personal matters often. I fear that's because I don't want to come off as whiny or prideful. I also don't like it when I make other people worry about me. I don't want to put anyone in that kind of situation. I know that I'm insecure and have times when depression wins. I don't want to put anyone in a situation that requires them to help me. I absolutely hate the fact that mom and dad pay for my housing. I want to remedy this, I really do; but what can you do when nobody wants you for an open job position? So I continue to try and hope that the folks don't have to worry so much about it.

Now back onto the topic. Recently I've been overcome with feelings of deciding if a mission is the best course for me. I decided to really think about it the last fast Sunday. I wasn't getting a strong impression during church and it wasn't until walking back with a roommate that I decided to re-read my patriarchal blessing. I don't know how much I should go into detail but I know from it that I will serve when I am married. I am also told be willing when that time comes. Reading this I was impressed that a mission isn't for now. Even right now I know that this decision is right. I keep asking myself if it's fear making the decision and I get a flat-out 'No' to that question. And when this answer comes I'm also reminded of my health. Bad feet, knees, and back. I have to take care of these.

I know that my Heavenly Father will still love me if I don't go right now. He shows me this by answering another major decision in my life. I continually ask if Animation is the right course for me. The last time I asked this I received a calming feeling. "This is your year," I was told. I know this now. Now it is up to me to make the best of this revelation. I will show my love for Him by accepting this and doing the best I can. I will focus my energies to making the best portfolio that I can. I won't be timid when drawing other people in public. I will do my best to blow the department's socks off. In order to do this though, I will have to stop doing crafts until I submit my portfolio. I want to focus myself and not distract myself. I will have plenty of time for crafts over the summer when I open an Etsy shop. (Yes, finally.) I suppose there won't be much to see on this blog until then but at least you all will know why. Wish me luck. =)